Along the Initiate's Path

So, I've been thinking a lot about my initiatory work this year and have some thoughts to share. It's hard right now, yes? I've stepped back from some things and, with a deep breath, stepped into others. 

Merry Meetups and Mxgender Mixers

Before taking my first formal steps onto this Pagan Priestx path, my non-binary/mxgender/metagender/queer gender identity was very private and personal, and mostly unknown and unrecognized by the people in my life. Because I have the privileges accorded to people who navigate the world perceived as cisgender (along with many other privileges), I have rarely experienced any form of persecution or oppression based on my transgressive gender identity. Because I have struggled with self-esteem issues my whole life (partly due to a sense of not having earned any of my privileges), I never challenged anyones presumptions about my gender. Because I wanted to feel a sense of belonging in a community, I entered "women only" spaces that excluded many of my Trans sisters. I felt entirely entitled, because I had never been challenged.

Being ordained in CAYA Coven's pangender Wildflower Tradition finally confronted me with that challenge.

The name of our coven is Come As You Are, and our clergy serve as public Priest/ess/xes. In other words, we stand up and speak out and serve our community and the world from a place of relentless authenticity. Anyone who cannot bear the discomfort this brings tends to drop out quickly. It takes Perfect Love and Perfect Trust to move through the fears, and to be accountable for the commitments we've made. It takes a daily practice of devotion to the Divine. The rewards of joyful service are rich and abundant, and earned through the simple practice of continuing to show up and do the work. The delight is from the "we get to do this!" revelations when we realize how possible it is to make our dreams and wishes come true.

So I assumed the mantel of the Priest/ess/xhood. I began to stand up and speak out and serve the needs of my community of Pagans who do not identify as cisgender men or women. I came out as a Trans person, as non-binary, as someone with pronouns that are very unfamiliar to most people. It is my daily resistance to correcting people about my pronouns—and the feelings of shame and failure that torment me when I fail to stand up and speak out and serve joyfully— that has begun to give me the slightest tiniest clue as to what most of my Trans brothers, sisters and siblings experience so relentlessly. It sometimes looks very alluring to just give up and return to my cozy place of privilege. I could do it in a heartbeat. Who would even notice?


Yes, of course, I would notice. I can never forget what I have learned in this short time of public service. I would spend the rest of my life with the ache of this knowledge. The ache so many countless closeted people have suffered. A few folks in the Pagan community might notice—the friends I've made the past couple of years at PCon and through the Rainbow Moon Circles. The ones who work so hard for gender diversity. My deities would notice, especially those glorious Trans deities of the Tetrad++, who have inspired and sustained me with such All-encompassing Love and Acceptance.

Yet the most poignant realization for me is that my covenmates would notice. And they'd care— without derision or condemnation. I would be so instantly held in a circle of loving, supportive concern. These kind people of various genders—though mainly cisgender and binary-oriented women and men—who have so respectfully acknowledged my truest self with the most exemplary use of correct pronouns, who have attended Rainbow Moon Circles to support our fledgling efforts, who help us amplify the words and actions of the sprouting Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe. My dear, sweet, fierce, geeky, profoundly wise and relentlessly(!) loving covenmates. This love infuses me with the courage to perservere, even when I feel exhausted and futile. I found "the sense of belonging in a community" I had craved and sought so long ago, and I can be here, As I Am.


And thus revved and sparkling with this joy, I continue to explore ways to create and nurture spaces that extend the Perfect Love and Perfect Trust that I have found. There are the Rainbow Moon Circles, indeed (I hope to see folks at The Fury Moon on Saturday), and I have just submitted a proposal to PCon to offer a Rainbow Moon Circle next year (!!!), yet my desire to connect with Pagans of deliciously diverse genders is not assuaged,

and so I have established a Meetup group:
Trans, Non-Binary and Mxgender Pagans—Bay Area & Beyond!

I invite you to check out this Meetup and if you are in the SF Bay Area, I hope you will sign on as a Beautiful Creature, and suggest some wonderful encounters for us to enjoy one another's company. I am thinking of such possibilities as meeting for pie and ice cream before heading over to Qulture Collective for their monthly first Friday Reel Queer movie night, field trips to lovely places in nature, spell-crafting parties, meetings to plan fundraisers for TransLifeline, and anything else that catches our fancy.

When I began composing this post, I thought I was simply going to share about the Meetups. With gratitude, I acknowledge all of the support that even brought me to this moment in the Eternal Now.

xoxox Baba Bee

Rainbow Moon Circle's Fury Moon 07/16

Come As You Are To…

The Rainbow Moon Circle’s Fury Moon A Full Moon Circle Honoring and Celebrating Gender Diversity

Saturday, July 16, 7:00PM
Doors open at 7:00PM, circle is cast at 7:15PM
Please arrive on time, no one is admitted after the circle is cast.

Qulture Collective, 1714 Franklin Street, Oakland

$10-$20 donation accepted, no one turned away for lack of funds

Fury Moon: What is worth fighting for or defending in our lives? What is worth our blood/sweat/tears? How do I stand up/speak out for what I believe in?

The mxgender Priestxes of Come As You Are Pagan Congregation invite people of any and all genders - or none - to join us in harnessing the power of our rage.

We will be calling in the formidable Genderqueer deity, Pancrates - All-Power, of the Tetrad++; a transgender pantheon. Honored Ancestors and Transxstors will include Leslie Feinberg and the 49 LGBTQIA+ comrades who fell in Orlando, transforming the furious power of our grief into a laser beam that creates real change, right Now.

If you wish, you may bring a special item or sacred tool to charge on our altar, and a snack to share for cakes and ale after we open the circle.

Our Mission: The Rainbow Moon Circle is a safe and sacred space for all to explore the spectra of gender and identity. We honor the holistic experience of self-determined identity and its infinite intersections. We celebrate the glittering prism of Divine existence that is powerful, delightful, enthusiastic, playful, transformative, magickal, compassionate, and reverent. Live the Spectra!

Join us on Facebook or G+

Seasonal Divination : Spring 2016

SEASONAL DIVINATION • SPRING 2016

Hello to everyone from beyond to all those who are beyond the binary ...

My name is HiC, and I'm here to offer some seasonal divination posts that will, shockingly, appear seasonally around the solstices and equinoxes.

They are designed to offer insight and guidance around the energies swirling in the heavens that can impact our lives.

So, first, let’s take a look at some of the astrological patterns that colour the rainbow of the next few months.

The first 8 ~ 9 months of the year are characterised by the preponderance of retrogrades all piling on top of each other. This can indicate a period in which there is a need to pull back, that we can encounter greater push back then normal, and that we need to take a step back in order to engage in re- types of activities (re-assess, re-visit, re-st, re-charge, re-sist, re-do, re-vise, re-member, re-negotiate, re-fresh, re-treat, etc).

It’s also key during these months to take things slowly, carefully, cautiously. Stay within the budget. Proceed at a cautious pace. Be conservative in our approach and perspective. Avoid giving in to impulse, temptation, instant gratification.

The slower the pace, the better off things will go and turn out. And, if you can, just sit May out as much as possible to let the storm pass.

But fret not … the last three months of the this year will bring rewards and results for patience and perseverance, likely in surprising or unexpected ways.

All of the swirling retrograde energies are highlighted below. But first ... let's take a look at how we can best navigate this Spring season to get the most out of it.

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CARD

• April King of Wands
• May X The Wheel
• June II The High Priestx

HERBAL ALLY

• April Cinnamon
• May Slippery Elm
• June Peony Root

CRYSTAL ALLY

• April Azurite
• May Carnelian
• June Aquamarine

APRIL • King of Wands • Cinnamon • Azurite

We need to be in full control of when, how, where and towards what we channel our energy. This is about a stable, sustained energy that gets us through the longterm rather than short, nuclear bursts that may have an immediate beneficial effect or impact, but can also, and more likely, cause disruption to destruction.

Let’s take a step back and reaffirm our connection and relationship to our destiny, seeing ourselves as the one who is in control of it rather than feeling or allowing our destiny to be in the hands of outside influences.

Stand tall in your creativity and in your experience. Tap into what you’ve already accomplished and let that be where you operate from. This isn’t necessarily the best time to be going after new, untested goals and projects.

Be a leader who knows how to inspire rather than a controlling or manipulate leader that intimidates others into acquiescence.

MAY • X The Wheel • Slippery Elm • Carnelian

Things are spinning and changing, often due to forces outside of our control.

Let’s turn our attention inward and come back to centre, to a place of feeling grounded amidst the whirlwind of activity that is swirling around us and churning things up.

Be careful with over reaching or taking too many risks or too big of chances. Things can spin out of control extremely easily. Or, we can get dizzy and fall off the rails, making decisions from a confused, not-quite-sure perspective that can cause challenges later.

Step back and allow change to happen. Let’s not try to push it, force it, rush it. Let’s also not try to avoid it, slow it down, or stop it. Just let change happen. We’ll make sense of it later and figure out where to go as a result. For now … just buckle up and ride the wave of change with a vomit bag tucked discreetly away just in case it’s needed at certain moments. But know that, a bit of rest to calm the nerves and settle the stomach will do wonders.

So knowing when to step back, step off, slow down and take care of ourselves will be key during this month.

JUNE • II The High Priestx • Peony Root • Aquamarine

Things settle down a bit and now we just float for awhile.

We know there are things beyond our comprehension that are forming and taking place. Let’s embrace the mystery and await the revelation of something more concrete or tangible before proceeding.

Balance wants to be restored … and so, if we can give stillness a chance, we will find that we can regain our footing and return to a place of understanding that will open up a wider, broader landscape of what has happened, what has shaken apart, what is coming in on the winds, and what we’re now ready for and where we’re now ready to move towards.

No rush … because the mysteries unfold and unveil themselves to us in their own time and in their own way. They just ask that we relax and release ourselves into them. They’ve got our back … so this is our opportunity to do trust fall into them.

They won’t force, but they will beckon. They won’t compel, but they will likely impel. They won’t show us, but they will reveal themselves when we show ourselves ready to see and receive them.

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JUPITER RETROGRADE
January 2016 ~ August 2016

• Contraction.
• Focus on need over want.
• Look around for what’s needed closer to home rather than « out there » somewhere … you might miss what’s actually available.
• Don’t take big or unnecessary risks.
• Rein in the spending.
• Put plans for expansion on hold to take more time for planning, saving, gathering resources.

SATURN RETROGRADE
March 2016 ~ August 2016

• Don't push ahead in business or push for immediate results or demand satisfaction in general. Instead, take stock of where you are now and how you can improve.
• Take care of unfinished business and tie up loose ends that are interfering with our pursuit of important goals.
• Efforts to organize people or ideas can slow down.
• Work may not go as planned, but delays can prove fruitful in the long run.
• Find the missing pieces.
• Refine the work at hand, the final product will be better as a result.
• Reorganisation of security, structure, and authority, who’s in charge and how the work gets done.
• A shakeup of people in positions of authority, shifts in power, and changes in the polls.
• Be more ponderous and reflective rather than ambitiously striving to achieve outer goals.
• Extra obligations at this time could prove to be more burdensome and draining than anticipated.
• Slow down and to be more careful about wasting or misapplying resources.

MARS RETROGRADE

April 2016 ~ June 2016

• Lower energy levels.
• Pull back and reconsider the path we are on and how to improve our chances up ahead.
• Not a good time to start a big new project—the odds go way down you’ll get traction and immediate progress.
• Aggressors lose – not the time to start any legal proceedings or fights/contests.
• Lay some important groundwork, but spend the next several weeks going over it with a fine-toothed comb.
• Utilise this retrograde phase as a personal "time out » to have far less anxiety about any upcoming stalls.
• Let things proceed at their own pace rather than trying to push, force, accelerate or initiate.
• Things can blow up in our face from the smallest spark.
• Cooler heads and more compassionate interactions prevail.

MERCURY RETROGRADE

May 2016

• Avoid finalising things.
• Get a second opinion.
• Miscommunication and misunderstandings can be far more likely.
• Listen more, talk less.
• Observe more, be caught up in less.
• Re-send.
• Research.

JUPITER SQUARE SATURN

26 May 2016

• Uncertainty.
• Frustration.
• Confusion.
• Instability.
• Caught between voices of optimism and pessimism.
• A summing up process.
• Desperately clinging to old ideals.
• Something old gives way to something new.
• A period of chaos, crisis and resistance to changes.
• A breaking point with the last roots of the old (80’s and 90’s) as we enter into a period of turbulence and instability over the next year – especially around security and financial stability.
• Take full inventory of our current situation in order to decide what areas of our lives should be pursued (Jupiter) and what should be cut back (Saturn).
• « Raise our game » to overcome current obstacles.
• Plan for how to implement the vision. 
• Rise above self-righteousness and fanaticism to embody tolerance and respect.
• Tendency to push forward without having the necessary information.
• Wait things out and find solutions that work for you rather than just jetting off into unknown territory.
• Trouble brewing in love relationships which are already experiencing disharmony.
• Compromise may be difficult to achieve.
• Debt can become more difficult to manage without a restructuring and cutbacks and the implementing of a budget.
• Overspending can lead to increased financial hardship. 
• Strict self-discipline in order to restrict/avoid extravagance.
• Hard work and perseverance during this time can lead to increased wealth and security.
• Increase in hostility.
• Conflicts can easily escalate with no clear victor.

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You can find HiC at : Tarot by HiC or on Facebook

Offering Information • Insight • Empowerment • Enlightenment, HiC is a Tarot Conversationalist, Coach, and Ritual & Magic Consultant who has been working with the Tarot for over 16 years. His readings have been described as “a tarot reading, therapy session and life coaching session all in one.” He offers his services using the Tarot combined with healthy doses of numerology and astrology, a splash of i-Ching, a taste of Feng Shui, and practical application.

Along with a heaping spoonful of magic and ritual, HiC assists you in crafting what can enhance and manifest your life in the fullest, most beneficial and blessed way possible by discovering practical, useful information that can be used to change your life for the better. HiC’s approach to a reading is creating a space that honours the person and allows them to open the door to, ultimately, have a conversation with him- or herself.

HiC is also the host of popular Internet radio shows (r)Evolution and The Amethyst Oracle : Divination with a Queer Twist on the SoulVox Network which can be found on BlogTalk Radio or on iTunes.

Find out more about HiC’s offerings and how to contact him for a private session at http://www.tarotbyhic.net.

Reflections on Initiation

Initiation is always powerful. It's a beginning to things, and I've now done enough of them to be aware that I never quite know what will really happen. This was doubly true for my Initiation into the Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe, since I was simultaneously initiating into a tradition and initiating the tradition itself. That is, the Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe (Rainbow Trad for short) became a tradition as I initiated into it.

One extremely noticeable difference between this Initiation and previous Initiations was that, starting about a week prior, I began getting two sets of messages. The first set of messages were personal: an ancestor wanted to talk to me, a certain animal appeared in a dream as a potential ally, my dedicated deities offered insights or asked for offerings. These were all occurrences that were familiar, though perhaps more frequent than is typical for me. I expected them to a certain extent.

The second set of messages I began receiving were Tradition based. These messages had what I can only describe as a different flavor. Or perhaps a tint...a rainbow tint? On top of my particular ancestors, allies, deities, and general preparations, the Tradition let me know that it wanted certain things, too. A particular tool was to be dedicated as a Tradition tool, a certain theme was to be explored, Initiates (starting with me) would do such-and-such an act as part of their Initiation. This second set of messages has not slowed post-Initiation. It remains very present.

At the time, I described a sensation that I experienced immediately after initiating as the feeling that a rainbow, with a strong white background, had encompassed me about a foot and a half outside of my body. I suspected that the tradition was trying to download into my body and couldn't quite fit, which would certainly match with the atypically ungrounded feeling that lasted most of the night for me. It's as though I have an unknown number of zipped files in my head that unzip themselves whenever is appropriate to them. It's a very exciting adventure!

One final note: there are a lot of traditions out there. To my knowledge, this is the first tradition to be rooted in and centered around mxgender Mysteries. As I see the faces and hear the voices of more and more people who identify as non-binary in pagan spaces, the need for a space that celebrates the unique ways we are sacred becomes urgent. It is this desire, to make and hold that space for my kindred spirits, that draws me onward. I work my magick and pray to the Goddessx that it may be so.

A Paneros Symbol Came to Me

Blessed Be the Tetrad++!