How we gender (or don't) our children

I recently re-read the GENDER book. First and foremost, this was a good reminder that I 
have more to learn (and always will!) about gender identity, and other identities, and how 
to honor people’s chosen identities. But more specifically it got me thinking about how we 
gender children, especially really young children who haven't declared a gender for 
themselves.

The book got me thinking more consciously about how we as a society assign gender 
(typically based on a binary understanding of sex) to babies. I started noticing this 
behavior in particular when I was pregnant. The most common first question was ‘Is it a 
boy or a girl?’, and since I didn’t want to know until the birth I used humor to move through 
these moments, as gently as I could making the (often entirely unconsidered) point of how 
useless it is to know a fetus’s genitalia. I typically responded with ‘It’s a human!’

I still want to say ‘My kiddo is a human!’ when people ask if my child is a boy or a girl 
(although now they assume one or the other, most often based on shoe color it seems, 
and ask if they're correct). It feels a bit more pedantic to me now though to try to use that 
same humor, because I do use male pronouns, and precisely because he has a penis. So 
the humor still works when I get the sense that I’m interacting with someone who will 
appreciate the ridiculousness of pink shoes meaning someone is female and a girl. But in 
other settings, I find myself just answering the question and moving past the interaction. It’s 
such a strange feeling, because part of me is thinking in those moments: ‘Why do you want 
to know my child's sex in order to determine how you want to interact with them?’ The 
question seems so intrusive, and irrelevant. But being frustrated in those moments doesn’t 
really help me understand where people are coming from, and it doesn’t help me move 
through my days with gratitude, both of which are aspects of myself that I highly value. 
Reading the GENDER book again got me thinking more about what I can creatively do about 
this discomfort.

My main action around this discomfort is to find a term of endearment that is not gendered 
(my go-to is “kiddo”), and to catch myself when I refer to children with assumed-gender 
pronouns, and instead use the term ‘kiddo(s)’ to refer to kids, or ‘children’ if I’m feeling all 
formal. I like the approach of challenging myself not to gender children - it feels like a step in 
the right direction of not gendering people in general...until they actually have a chance to tell 
me about their gender, if they choose to!

A prayer for our siblings in the military

I light a candle and offer this prayer for our transgender and gender-non-conforming siblings in the US military:

May your efforts in every working day be recognized.
May your contributions to core and country be valued.
May you be honored and respected for who you are, and for the service you give.
May our country commit to you as fully as you commit to our country.
May you tap great wells of personal strength and community support in the face of adversity.
May your bodies, minds, and souls be seen through eyes of fierce protectiveness and pride by those who hold power in the structures of our military.

Blessed be your work.
Blessed be your bodies.
Blessed be your minds.
Blessed be your radiant and courageous souls!

Midsummer growth and gratitude

I have lots of room for growth.

This is a mantra I have been working with recently. It fits so well with being in an ally role, which is what I am as a Rainbow Sparkle, in my service through the mxgender circles CAYA offers (Rainbow Moon Circles and Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe sabbats). I am a cis woman, and am navigating my way in serving the non-binary pagan community in a respectful and supportive way.

One key for me is grooving out to the harmony part in the song the Priestxs co-create for each public ritual I help offer (metaphorically speaking). Not needing to be in the spotlight to know that I’m doing essential and valued work. Really relishing being a pillar of support. I think of my harmony part as similar to when I was Second Alto in a college choir: I never had the melody, but always had these rich tones to carry that added to the complexity and beauty of the music. Plus I got to listen to the melody without being engaged in creating it myself, which let me revel in hearing that part (metaphorically: receiving that wisdom). Many people are forced into the position of second (or fifth!) fiddle, so I know choosing it actively is a privilege. And I am SO grateful to have that choice, and to learn about the community I serve, and about myself, by singing harmony.

Because one thing I have learned so far: I have lots of room for growth.

I think of myself as socially liberal, as knowledgeable about and respectful of individuals’ chosen identities, as kind and curious. And I am those things. But that doesn’t mean I already know all the gender identities that exist (partly because there are an infinite number!), or that I didn’t learn a few new things about myself by reading The Gender Book (by Mel Reiff Hill and Jay Mays, and Co.) (and also, it’s gorgeously done, if you haven’t had a chance to read it yet!). And it didn’t mean I already understood the three-axis distinction between sex and gender and sexuality until after I’d completed a BA in Sociology. And it certainly doesn’t mean I know anything about a person’s gender identity until I ask, or have been informed!

So maybe particularly if you’re cis-gendered (or know an ally who is!), and not used to thinking about gender variance in all its rainbow glory, consider whether you know your 3D identity (or maybe it’s 5D?!?) as accurately, at least in the moment, as I’ve come to know my own:

Sex (based on anatomy/physical traits): female

Gender (based on personal perception/experience): woman

Sexuality (based on who I find attractive): pansexual

There are so many intersecting aspects of identity that you might easily be a hyperspatial, multidimensional being! But at least for me, it’s been enough of a learning curve just to get those three accurate. ;)

And still: I have lots [more] room for growth.

Blessed Midsummer!

And blessed be your journey of self-discovery!

- Shell

---

Mxing it up at… "Queers & Comics" 2017 Conference

Hann Lindahl ("Future Husband"), Jaina Bee (me), and Ryan Rose Aceae ("(Non)Binary Star") photo by Yoram

Zines and underground comics have been a lifelong passion for your quirky mxgender priestx reporter (that's me, Baba Bee). Bypassing the gatekeepers of mainstream media, self-published periodicals, cut-n-paste one-offs, and other xerographic tomes have taught me almost everything i know about the lives, loves, dreams, desires and needs of hundreds (possibly thousands!) of people who would otherwise be unheard or unseen in the world. I've been drawing, composing, and collecting comics and zines since i was a kid in the 1980's, and my appreciation for this medium only grows.

At one of the panels i attended at the 2017 Queers & Comics conference (April 14-16 at CCA SF) there was even a discussion about how the medium of comics itself is queer and binary-breaking, because it mixes words AND images in infinitely mutable ways. There was talk of comics as a vital form of queer self-care, as a way to explore alternative identies and expressions before transitioning or coming out, as a record of our ever-evolving LGBTQIA+ history, and as an especially fun way to network and meet new friends and fans.

This last bit cannot be overstated in its importance, especially when many panelists and attendees spoke of experiencing intense fears of leaving the house, of being (or speaking!) in public, and of interacting with strangers. It was a rare experience for most of us, to be in a crowded conference, where EVERYONE was queer—with a few friendly queer allies in the mix. The mention of pronouns did not bring a quizzical expression to anyone's face. (But seriously, where were all the straight comics geeks? Did they think they weren't welcome? Something to work on…)
I could go on and on about how much i enjoyed this conference— how it was the best of all that i have ever attended— however what i REALLY want to do is share with you some of my favorite creations—and creatrxes—of the weekend.

If you haven't yet encountered the graceful and elegant tales of Maia Kobabe, you're in for a treat. Though eir "Genderqueer" comics series was designed to be viewed on a phone (on eir Tumblr, Instagram or Patreon), e discovered that the three-panel sets fit perfectly into a mini 8-fold format! Effin' brilliant. (OK, full disclosure—i am not only a fan of Maia's, i feel a bit like an elder cousin to em as well. So, yes, i am fairly biased.) I dream of handing out to everyone these poignantly insightful glimpses into discovering and expressing one's genderqueerness. In the more Pagan realm, e is a contributor to the upcoming queer tarot-themed anthology, Tabula Idem, where e collaborated with our mutual friend, Alexandra Genetti (creatrix of the "Wheel of Change Tarot"), on a story about an annual Solstice-related ritual we have shared together many times. Genderqueer + paganism + art? Friends, this is my jam.

My most thrilling moment at the conference was when i was standing next to someone at a merchant table and they suddenly looked at my array of badges and bling and said, "Hey! Are you enby?! Here, have one of my comics!" And it was about mxgender witchcraft!!! "(Non)Binary Star" is about Ryan Rose Aceae's experience growing up in a Wiccan family, and the spiraling path they journeyed to find their own place in the binary-oriented worship of the God and the Goddess. Highly recommended for all folks exploring spirituality and religion beyond the binary.

Right as my jaw was hitting the floor, another excited person walked up to us and introduced herself (it really was quite the friendly conference). Hann Lindahl is a queer intersex activist and the creator of a beautiful two-color mini-comic, "Future Husband," about the effects of a doctor's casual presumption about why a teen-age Hann should start taking estrogen. She packs a heavy punch into that little 8-fold! She's one of the organizers for the 4th annual Queer Comix Expo in SF (July 8-9).

Anna Vo spoke in a couple of panels i attended.  I quickly noticed that i was trying to write down EVERYTHING they said, because they are able to articulate brilliant and radical social justice ideas in a righteous and hilarious manner. We traded zines, and i got "The Swan The Vulture" #6, which collects the prolific explosion of Anna's first year of making comics, which was, like, last year. Phenomenal.

Tittybar Tales is a gorgeous, full-color book by Alex L Combs, who is entering the CCA MFA in Comics program this summer. (Congratulations!) I first met him at the SF Zinefest last summer, and was enticed by the little preview of this comic which splays out the ups and downs and around-and-arounds of his experiences as a stripper, when he was still presenting as a woman. It's actually a lighthearted and funny collection, with no dreadful horror stories (other than razor burn and an aching body). Wow.

The most mesmerizing and beautiful comic i came home with was "Burning" by Bex (a surprise gift from a friend of mine who happened to be attending the con as a sign language interpreter for Bex). Dark, glowing, dreamy and visionary, she glides from her travels within the Arctic Circle on a sailboat full of artists and her travels into a richly detailed world within her mind.

Radical Faerie Church Funnies (2017 Special Edition for Q&C Con) is something i picked up in the merch area. I did not meet Vaughn Frick, the talented creator of this comic book satirizing the "Secret Gay Elite" that bunches up fundamentalist panties of all stripes. The disclaimer says it better than i ever could, "This Radical Faerie Comic Church is a fictional phantasm of dirty eunuch clowns, perverted fruit-bat capitalists, gender cyborgs, old gods, power-tripping ghouls, pagan fundamentalists, and whatever creature or thing I feel fit to draw. It's only about you if you so wish it."


And those are but a few of thedelights that came home with me. I hope to continue to compose reviews. And i am planning to have my own mxgender witch zine ready for the QCE this summer!

The rainbow sparkly tip of the queer comics iceburg!

Rainbow Moon Circle at Pantheacon

CAYA Coven's Rainbow Moon Circle presents the Rite of the Sparkling Spectra at Pantheacon in San Jose! Sunday, February 19 at 9pm.

Priest/ess/xes and Dedicants of CAYA Coven invite people of any and all genders—or none—to join us in this sacred rite to recognize and celebrate gender diversity in our deities, in our communities, and in ourselves. We will invoke Panprosdexia (All-Acceptance); the Agender deity of the Tetrad++, to guide us in transforming the corrosive shrapnel of life's conflicts into glittering balls of magick to empower our work and play in the world.

Also, we will be enjoying nut-free, vegan hot cocoa with rainbow sprinkles, thanks to Yeshe!

This is an all-ages ritual, and completely ADA accessible, though attendance is restricted to members of the conference. Our next public, NOTAFLOF ritual will be on May 6, at The Sacred Well in Oakland. We hope to see YOU there.

Our Mission: The Rainbow Moon Circle is a safe and sacred space for all to explore the spectra of gender and identity. We honor the holistic experience of self-determined identity and its infinite intersections. We celebrate the glittering prism of Divine existence that is powerful, delightful,  enthusiastic,  playful, transformative, magickal, compassionate, and reverent. Live the Spectra!

Transgender but not in Transition: Honoring our Non-Binary Community

What are the assumptions you make when you hear the word "transgender"? Is there a point during transition where you suddenly start "being" the being you are transitioning to? How do we celebrate rites of passage for non-binary transgender people, mxgender people who may not plan to undergo a physical transformation to match their gender identity?

Every transgender, mxgender, non-gender identifying being has a different story. A different path that they are on. Some look forward to physical transitions brought on by hormone therapy or surgery. For some, the first day putting on a new bra or using a new name that matches the gender that is correct for them is the transition point. For those going from male to female or female to male, "passing" is the rite of passage. Joining a womens' or mens' circle and being honored as a new member of that sister or brotherhood can mark that moment. Being far enough along in transition to feel that society sees you as a "boy/girl/man/woman" now can be that moment of finishing transition.

Non-binary, non-gender, meta-gender, two-spirit and any other folks that I may have missed have more work that society puts upon them. Those who are not transitioning from one side of the spectrum to another still deserve our respect through appropriate use of names and pronouns. Continually having to come out over and over, reminding people of the correct pronouns to use, facing the assumptions people make based on your look or clothing is a difficult, painful process that I see my siblings face. Continual erasure.

For those of us that may be binary transgender or cis-gendered allies to the non-binary, non-gendered, meta-gender, and beyond, how can we best support our siblings?

In the CAYA Pagan Congregation, self-identified men and women are welcome in the moon circles of the brother and sisterhoods. A spiritual circle called the Rainbow Moon Circle was formed specifically to provide a place for those who identify anywhere along the spectrum and those who don't identify with the spectrum whatsoever are welcome and encouraged to join us. We do our best to engage with a variety of deity, our ritualists are beings all across the spectrum, and we seek to honor the experience of all of those who join us.

I know that our community will continue to engage in this discussion so that we can find the best ways to serve and support our non-binary siblings. We honor all of our siblings as God/dess/x gifts to the world.

Blessed Be.

Be a Gender Diversity Ally! Just Ask Me How.

Pantheacon, the annual San Francisco Bay Area pagan conference, is coming up this weekend. Let’s show our beautiful gender diverse community some love!

• Use the name and gender that the person currently uses. You can find it on their handy dandy badge and ribbon. Or you can ask! It’s great that you’ve known Pond (they/them/their) since they were Lauren (she/her/hers). Honor their now!  

• Accidental misgendering/deadnaming happens. It’s a bummer for both parties, but we are evolving beings and sometimes we aren't up to date on everyone. Apologize, use the correct gender/name and move on. Accept that gentle correction (“I go by Sylvia - please use the pronouns e/em/eir.”). This person is trusting you to have this information and it is an honor.

• Don’t share a person's history without their consent. Last year Rosewood (she/her/hers) may have gone by Thor (he/him/his). It is an honor knowing a piece of her history, but it’s up to her to decide who to share it with!

• Speak up when you hear misgendering/deadnaming. This is a multi step process and so very important. Be sure that you know the name and gender pronouns are correct for that person. Ask if they consent to you sharing that information if needed. Gently correct the person if you have consent to do so (e.g. "Root prefers they/them/their.")

• Time and place are important. If a person’s name is on their badge and they’re wearing a pronoun ribbon, then it is public information - within the Pantheacon environment. Just like with magickal names, the person may not be safe to use their true gender in the mundane. Say hi when you bump into each other at Trader Joe’s, but find out their preference.

• Don't assume pronouns based on gender. I'm genderqueer and use they/them/their but another genderqueer person may use ze/hir/hirs. Just ask if you're not sure.

Honoring our community members is as easy as listening and respecting each person’s wishes. If you're unsure, ask if you may have a conversation with the individual to find out how you can honor their gender.

And for Pantheacon specific support the Circle of Cerridwen has been so kind as to get pronoun ribbons to append to your badges at Pantheacon. As CAYA Initiate Kitsune put so well in a recent blog post:

I want to encourage my cisgender readers to wear the ribbon with your pronouns on them, in solidarity with your fellow Pagans who are trans and/or non-binary.

Have a great con!

Introducing Mxgender

We seem to be at the center of a storm of language shaping these last few months. Just weeks ago, Mx. joinedMr., Mrs., and Ms. in the Oxford Dictionary as a gender neutral title. Earlier this year, folks over here in CAYA Coven started using Priestx as a gender neutral title for our clergy people. It was exhilarating to have a word that feels like it describes me just right. However, we've been stuck for awhile as to what we should call ourselves as a group. I'm genderqueer. When I am part of a group that contains people who are metagender, agender, gender fluid, bigender, and more, what do we call ourselves collectively?

"Non-binary" describes us as what we are not, which I'm not a fan of. "Gender variant" suggests by implication that there exist a group of people who are "gender normal." "Gender diverse" sounds nice but is unfortunately vague. "Trans" and "trans*" are broad and clear, but not everyone who identifies as some non-binary gender identifies as trans.

Then, this last weekend, we had a Rainbow Trad Hot Tub Visioning. (Yes, you read that right.) As we were discussing gender and mulling over the various words we use, one awesome person (thanks, Root!) said this: "What about mxgender?" We paused. We all looked at each other. Hmmm. Mxgender, which sounds like mix-gender, a combination of genders- something quite a lot of us identify with? Mxgender, which draws on the already-known prefix "Mx."? Mxgender sounds like it could hold us all. It sounds like it could be home. 

Do you like "mxgender" as a collective way of describing us? What words do you use? Share in the comments!

What is Trans*? What is Pagan?

 A memo that started out as a short message to the other members of Beyond the Binary became an unfolding exploration I'd like to share with you all.

This week has given me much food for thought in the realm of our studies and service in Beyond the Binary—from the PACO panel discussions on POC, gender and the intersections of identities, to the Rainbow Moon (a seedling CAYA group) Circle's brainswarm on Monday to spending all of yesterday in the company of P. Sufenas Virius Lupus (birther of the Tetrad++ group of gender-variant deities)! WOW.

What is becoming clear to me is that it is important to acknowledge that many gender identities (if not most, if not all) are inherent, and deserve to be recognized as primary and central to each individual's experience— rather than in their relation to the binary, cisgendered cultural "norm." In that context, using the word Trans* no longer feels correct as the term to use in my events listing, or in my description of whom I serve. Trans* is included, yet still not the central focus, nor the umbrella term that works for me. Many people who identify as Trans* also identify as binary, besides. There are ritual spaces for women or men. This is not where I serve.

I have been questioning the usefulness of my Trans*/Pagan events listing for a few months now, wondering if it is necessary to include every all-gender event that is Pagan, or focus only on events that address variant-gender inclusiveness, though many are binary-oriented. Are Buddhist sanghas, yoga classes, healing clinics and workshops that focus on or include the needs of Trans* people appropriate to list on a Pagan events announcement?

What is Pagan? What is Trans?* That could be (and will be) the title of the blog post this is clearly becoming. (Though I won't be opening the can of worms called "Pagan" at this time. It's about as useful as "Trans*" is to me these days.)

Frankly, I included all of those aforementioned options because I haven't found very many events that could be considered Trans* AND Pagan. If my service as a public Priest/ess is to minister to the needs of nature-based spiritual practitioners who do not identify with the gender binary, then WTF do I call it? C'mon, Hermes, give me the language!

The intersection of personal identities within an individual is difficult— perhaps impossible— to sort out into neat sections. The phrase that seemed to resonate with brilliant intensity this week was "Gender is a holographic experience. Identity is a holographic experience."

While I sort this all out, my events listing will go on hiatus. Is it transitioning to a new identity or simply recognizing what it was all along?

Trans*/Pagan Events in November 2014

Welcome to this monthly listing of events that celebrate the sacred and honor gender diversity. This November marks a year since the members of Beyond the Binary introduced ourselves to the public. It has been a year of searching, learning, discovering, and a growing assortment of questions and possibilities to explore.

We chose Transgender Day of Remembrance as our date of embarkation (Nov 20, 2013), in part to honor our Beloved Dead as the source of our inspiration and widom, and also to bring more awareness to this worldwide observation of those who were murdered because of transphobia— a pandemic disease that needs much more attention and action in order to bring healing to us all. In that spirit, all of the listings for this November will focus on TDOR.

For other events of Trans*/Pagan interest, please check out the calendar in the sidebar of our blog's homepage. And please send me info about any events that might belong in this listing. Thank you! Blessed be.

#transgenderdayofremembrance #tdor #tdor2014

Maintained by Jaina Bee, a Priest/ess of CAYA Coven, San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA, Earth.

CAYA Coven

Beyond the Binary Blog

*************

TDOR SF 2014 from Trans March on Vimeo.

*************

 **************

 

TDoR Main Site:

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2014
This page includes information about TDOR events happening around the world, including Sweden, Australia, Netherlands, Canada, Italy, Singapore, and West Point!

*************

The Trans Rite of Ancestor Elevation
Wed, Nov 12-Thurs, Nov 20 (TDoR)
http://trans-rite.tumblr.com/
Free

We are radical trans activists and spirit workers holding a nine-day international ritual to honor our beloved transgender dead.

Join us.

http://trans-rite.tumblr.com/

*************

 TDoR San Francisco: 

Thursday, November 20t, 6:00 to 8:00PM

San Francisco LGBT Community Center; 1800 Market St, San Francisco, CA 94102
FREE—donations appreciated!

San Francisco Honors Transgender Day of Remembrance 2014
Please join us at the SF LGBT Community Center on the of 16th annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR) on Thursday, November 20th, 2014. Transgender Day of Remembrance is a genuine tribute to those who have lost their lives to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. This day serves a purpose to raise awareness of the threat of abuse and violence faced by the transgender community, as well as their families and friends.

What is TDoR?
The number of reported cases of trans-phobic based hate crimes has more than doubled since 1999 when the first TDoR was held in San Francisco on a cold and rainy night. TDoR occurs globally on the 20th of November. This day also acts to bring visibility and momentum to a call to action to end the hatred and ignorance that the transgender community faces daily.

History
The Transgender Day of Remembrance was founded in 1999 by Gwendolyn Ann Smith, a trans woman who is a graphic designer, columnist, and activist, to memorialize the murder of Rita Hester in Allston, Massachusetts. Since its inception, TDoR has been held annually on the 20th of November, and quickly evolved from a local gathering started by Smith into an international day of action. In 2013, TDoR was observed in over 200 cities throughout more than 20 countries. The SF TDoR will include local community advocates like Miss Major Griffin-Gracy and Jewlyes Gutierrez. The SF TDoR will also include performances by trans youth, an altar created by El/LA Para TransLatinas, a special Hawaiian chant by local trans legend Kumu Tatianna Kaneholani, a ceremonial release of balloons accompanied by opera sung by the angelic Breanna Sinclaire. The TDoR will be hosted by the SF LGBT Community Center and emceed by local trans youth Alex Bergeron and Rexy Amaral.

For further information and to make a donation in support of the SF TDoR please visit: www.tdorsf.org
(415) 865-5555
Providing: ASL, Spanish translation, Light beverages and snacks

 *************

TDoR Oakland/East Bay:

Wednesday, Nov 19, 2014, 7-9:30 PM
Oakland City Hall Council Chambers; 1 Frank H Ogawa Plaza, Oakland, CA 94612
FREE
 
Honorary Co-Host Senate Majority Leader Ellen Corbett

Very Important, this is not TransVision/Tri-City Health Center event this year

It is Tiffany Woods and the TransVision Team, Terry Washington, Lorena Martinez, Janet Halfin, Kayla Moore, Roman Flintroy, Erikka Palafox, Avee Meals, Charlie Wilson, Perla Nolasco, who annually put on TDOR and other community members, Deanne, Austin Bruckner and others, on our own time and anybody else who wants to help/be involved

Please share the event and invite community, allies, supporters.

For official info and participation Contact Tiffany Woods: tiffany.woods@earthlink.net

*************

Resistance and Remembrance: A Transgender Day of Remembrance Shabbat

November 14, 2014, 7:00p

Kehilla Community Synagogue; 1300 Grand Avenue, Oakland, California
FREE

Join Keshet and Glitter Kehilla for a special Shabbat observance focused on the remembrance of the victims of transphobia. Services at 7:00 pm: vegetarian potluck dinner at 8:00 pm. We will be collecting tzedakah for the Transgender Law Center.

Please note that this is a scent-free event. This event is geared toward young adults, but folks of all ages, genders, and orientations are welcome.

http://www.keshetonline.org/event/resistance-and-remembrance-a-transgender-day-of-remembrance-shabbat/

*************

TDoR UK

UK: http://www.slago.org.uk/tdor/

*************

Check out these links!

How to host your own TDOR Event

Transfaith TDOR Toolkit for Faith Communities 

A Pagan Trans March

This is my fourth Trans March. The first year, I came early and listened to all the speakers and musicians and reveled in being around people. That year, Trans March was like a secret in my heart: I knew I was like them, but almost no one else knew. The next few times I went to Trans March, I butched it up. I studied men and the way they moved and tried, if not quite to pass as male, then at least to pass as gender non-conforming. I got "sirred" on the train home. I came out. I walked with my girlfriend and her other girlfriend.

Then I really came out. I changed pronouns. I told my mom. I did some hard internal work. I started getting the occasional "sir" in my everyday life, despite making no attempt to hide my breasts. Kids got confused about my gender. (They're smarter than grown ups about some things.) I settled into my gender on some deep, fundamental level.

This year, when I went to Trans March, it was different. I wore my standard outfit: tight jeans, a white undershirt, and my brown leather jacket, the one that my dad gave me years ago. I also wore a leather mini-skirt over the jeans, and dark eyeliner. And my pentacle necklace. I felt giddy, applying the eyeliner, knowing down to my bones that I didn't need to pass as anything at all. I just was. I just am. I'm genderqueer. It's not my tie or my hair or my cock or my skirt that make me genderqueer. Those are accessories. They're helpful as signifiers, though I mostly combine them in ways that signify "I am outside the binary." They can be a wave to fellow outsiders. But I don't need them to be who I am.

On the way out the door, passing by my Hermes altar, I snatched a feather and came up with two. I left the first at the crossroads near my home, praying for a good march. As we twined through the streets and stalled momentarily in the San Francisco fog, I looked back. I was near the front of the march. We were almost at the top of the hill. Snaking back behind me were hundreds, maybe a thousand, trans folks of all stripes and types. People like me, glittering in the streets. With a laugh, I lifted the second feather high and let it go, letting it fly away in the wind.

My Gender Sermon of the Moment

 I have recently had several interactions with a friend of mine who is currently offering generally wise and well-informed counseling to the public on matters of sex and relationships. After a few incidents in which I felt that her gender education wasn't up to speed, I sent this email. This seems like a fine introduction to my personal gender story, which is one of the subjects the Priest/esses of Beyond the Binary would like to share with the public. May it be received with the love and compassion with which it was composed.

I hope this missive finds you well and fine.

I have been wanting to touch in with you about something that hasn't settled well with me. I haven't spoken up before because I felt too upset to communicate clearly and compassionately, and, well, you know we discussed the difficulties in working against the conditioning not to speak up for oneself.

Lately, for me, it has been an interesting process of "coming out" as a gender variant individual. It has been a private affair for me, and one that has felt too unclear to share with others, similar to what I have heard shared by my friends of variant sexualities. I never had an issue with identifying my sexuality as "queer", though most people presume I am heterosexual (and my sig others tend to be straight white men). I have found it to be much more challenging to correct others when they presume I am a cisgendered woman.

It has been easy for me to pass as a woman because of my feminine gender expression, however I often feel more like a drag queen. I like being a drag queen. No one questions me when I use the women's room, (Try using the men's room in the city to get an idea of what it's like to be gender variant) I have been welcome in women's spaces (though with increasing discomfort for me. I wrote a blog post about it here: http://paradoxmysteryandawe.blogspot.com/2013/07/womens-rituals.html ), and no one (friends, family, strangers) feels entitled to ask me, "So what ARE you? A boy or a girl?" as they do many other gender outlaws.

This is important for me to share with you; a person who is offering counseling services to the public on matters of sex and relationships. Gender is a highly-charged topic these days, as it comes out of the cisgendered binary cage it has smothered in for so long.

We have spoken on this subject for three weeks in a row now. The first time, I told you I had a book to give you on the subject, and all was well. The second week, I paid for your counseling services, and in a moment of enthusiasm, you spoke very dismissively about "that gender stuff" as you literally waved your hands as if shooing it away, presuming you were talking to a cisgendered woman. I was in a bit of shock and found myself speechless. The next week, I brought you The Gender Book, hoping it would help you understand the vastness and beautiful nuances of this topic. Again, you said something dismissive about gender and again you waved your hand as if it were a fly in your face. It was then I came out to you as a person who does not identify within the gender binary. Though I sensed some mild resistance at first, you quickly began to adapt this new information to your understanding of gender. Right on!

When you complained of men being dismissive to women's issues, such as rape and sexual predation, you were expressing your own gender awareness and experience. Please consider showing other genders the care and support you want men to show women.

I found the topic of gender to be a serious area of insensitivity in your otherwise considerate and informed services. I have great confidence that you will inform yourself further on this subject, as every person you meet has a gender identity, whether they have explored this and defined it for themselves yet, whether it is static or fluid, whether it is cisgender or agender or the many countless and multiplying identities that people are claiming and reclaiming for themselves.

I am here for you if you have any questions, wish to discuss this further, want some recommendations on resources. There's a lot out there on this evolving issue, and I am grateful to be of service.

With love and respect, Jaina Bee

The Gender Book! Is Out! In the World! NOW!

Two faces smiled down from a large screen in a corner of San Francisco's Center for Sex and Culture. Jay Mays and Robin Mack, two if the three main creators of The Gender Book, had beamed their gleeful mugs across cyberspace to help celebrate the birth of this fine publication. "It's a book!" (That's a gender joke, get it?) The third creator, artist Mel Reiff Hill, stood on the low stage with a microphone, facilitating a Q&A.

"How did this book come to be?"

Mel described how their boyfriend "paid to teach his therapist about gender." After spending his session laying down the basics of this fundamental subject of life, he wished he could've simply handed the doctor a book and say, "Read chapter 6— see ya next week!" But that book on gender did not exist. So he brought this concern to his friends and the friends said, "Let's make one!"

And what a gorgeous book they've made. With it's large, slick, colorful pages and graphic novel design it looks a lot like a children's storybook. The team say they wrote it for the broadest range of ages possible, attempting to keep the language plain and simple. Indeed, this book is so attractive and friendly, I can imagine it crossing many thresholds into spaces that have never before questioned mainstream gender norms.

Attendees sat around the balloon-festooned room at tables covered with crayons and activity pages, munching on snacks segregated by glutenousness. The atmosphere was relaxed and playful—even slightly giddy—catalysing conversations amongst strangers expressing a wide range of genders. I wondered why the room wasn't packed to the brim, though, because I certainly felt like I was witnessing one of the most important moments in cultural history. Mel says the book's release is just the beginning, and now what they want to see is how people USE it. "Don't just put it on a shelf. Read it, give it away, talk about it."

In an OutSmart interview, Jay Mays reports that the Gender Book team will be participating in the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference this June, "to connect with others who also want to ease the burden of trans* folks having to educate their health professionals." Right on!

As a contributor to their wildly successful Indiegogo campaign, I had a stack of Gender Books waiting for me at the merch table. I nearly knocked Mel over in my eagerness to get mine all signed. They grinned calmly as I explained that I was a Priest/ess in a Bay Area coven and as I frothed all about our Beyond the Binary and Trans*/Pagan endeavors in a sort of star-struck way, and then they amiably signed one "To CAYA Coven." I even got a fancy creature in a shimmery outfit to snap this photo of Mel & I. Can you tell how excited I am?!?!?!?!

Gender Scouts unite!