Monday, January 22, 2018

How we gender (or don't) our children

I recently re-read the GENDER book. First and foremost, this was a good reminder that I 
have more to learn (and always will!) about gender identity, and other identities, and how 
to honor people’s chosen identities. But more specifically it got me thinking about how we 
gender children, especially really young children who haven't declared a gender for 

The book got me thinking more consciously about how we as a society assign gender 
(typically based on a binary understanding of sex) to babies. I started noticing this 
behavior in particular when I was pregnant. The most common first question was ‘Is it a 
boy or a girl?’, and since I didn’t want to know until the birth I used humor to move through 
these moments, as gently as I could making the (often entirely unconsidered) point of how 
useless it is to know a fetus’s genitalia. I typically responded with ‘It’s a human!’

I still want to say ‘My kiddo is a human!’ when people ask if my child is a boy or a girl 
(although now they assume one or the other, most often based on shoe color it seems, 
and ask if they're correct). It feels a bit more pedantic to me now though to try to use that 
same humor, because I do use male pronouns, and precisely because he has a penis. So 
the humor still works when I get the sense that I’m interacting with someone who will 
appreciate the ridiculousness of pink shoes meaning someone is female and a girl. But in 
other settings, I find myself just answering the question and moving past the interaction. It’s 
such a strange feeling, because part of me is thinking in those moments: ‘Why do you want 
to know my child's sex in order to determine how you want to interact with them?’ The 
question seems so intrusive, and irrelevant. But being frustrated in those moments doesn’t 
really help me understand where people are coming from, and it doesn’t help me move 
through my days with gratitude, both of which are aspects of myself that I highly value. 
Reading the GENDER book again got me thinking more about what I can creatively do about 
this discomfort.

My main action around this discomfort is to find a term of endearment that is not gendered 
(my go-to is “kiddo”), and to catch myself when I refer to children with assumed-gender 
pronouns, and instead use the term ‘kiddo(s)’ to refer to kids, or ‘children’ if I’m feeling all 
formal. I like the approach of challenging myself not to gender children - it feels like a step in 
the right direction of not gendering people in general...until they actually have a chance to tell 
me about their gender, if they choose to!

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Rainbow Moon Circle's Yearning Moon this Saturday in Alameda

Come As You Are To…
The Rainbow Moon Circle’s Yearning Moon
A Full Moon Circle Honoring and Celebrating Gender Diversity

Saturday, January 6th, 7:00PM
Doors open at 7:00PM, circle is cast at 7:15PM
Please arrive on time, no one is admitted after the circle is cast.

Home of Truth Cottage, 1300 Grand Street, Alameda
The Cottage is around the back, take the side path through the garden to find us.

$10-$20 donation accepted, no one turned away for lack of funds

The mxgender Priestxes of Come As You Are Pagan Congregation invite people of any and all genders - or none - to join us in exploring our divine nature as children of the stars. Together, we open our hearts to mystery and make a wish for the future.

You are welcome to bring something to charge on the altar, as well as cakes and ale to share after.

Our Mission: The Rainbow Moon Circle is a safe and sacred space for all to explore the spectra of gender and identity. We honor the holistic experience of self-determined identity and its infinite intersections. We celebrate the glittering prism of Divine existence that is powerful, delightful, enthusiastic, playful, transformative, magickal, compassionate, and reverent. Live the Spectra!

Join us on Facebook

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe Daily Practice 2018

The Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe invites anyone who lives outside the gender binary or who questions the authority of the gender binary to join us in using this song as part of your daily meditations, prayers, or other workings.

Monday, January 1, 2018

With Water We Heal: Witches of Transgression 2018


2018 Witches of Transgression Working:

With Water We Heal

The Divine Spiraling Rainbow Tribe is a Mystery Tradition within CAYA Pagan Congregation devoted to exploring and honoring sacred mxgender Mysteries. Our Priestxes embody the experience of identity beyond the gender binary, and celebrate the glittering prism of Divine existence that is Powerful, Delightful, Enthusiastic, Playful, Transformative, Magickal, Compassionate, and Reverent. We invite people of all genders or none, but especially mxgender and non-binary people, to join us in doing a public, world-wide working to bring a better world into being. By performing this ritual in our own spaces all over the world each Full Moon, we grid the Earth with the energy of the Divine, toward a shared vision of intentional change.

I want to participate. What should I do?

If you would like to join us in this effort, please:

  1. Share this working and its intent with other people you know, or in your own social media, using the hashtag #witchesoftransgression
  2. Follow our blog.
  3. Perform the following ritual at your own altar each Full Moon between now and December 22, 2018. We begin Jan. 1, 2018, but join us whenever you wish.


Sunday, December 3, 2017

Witches of Transgression: BORN IN THE FIRE

Tonight is the night we complete the spell we have spent the year crafting together! It is DONE. So Mote it Be.

I whirl at the edge of the universe
Like my Ancxters before me
I am a breaker of chains
My love is unstoppable
Holding the Now to my heart
Embodying the future unfolding
There is nothing to fear
I am a Witch of Transgression

On the last full moon of the year, on Dec. 3, 2017, if you are somewhere it is safe to do so, burn a candle all night.  

Our ideals

  • Honor for elders, respect for their survival strategies, attention to their stories and the complexities of their lived experiences, continual respect for their choices including correct gendering throughout end-of-life care and into death.
  • Communities connected by love and solidarity that center and amplify the the needs and voices of those who have been oppressed, bringing healing and justice
  • A world that creates and maintains spaces of creativity, playfulness, and innovation.
  • Alternatives to the prison industrial complex that better serve the needs of those who have been oppressed
  • Equitable, accurate and accessible information and education which recognizes the intersectionality of sex, sexuality, gender identity and gender expression
  • The establishment of public policies and laws which recognize and support the equal rights of all people, regardless of sex, sexuality, gender identity, gender expression, and any other aspects of being and identity.
  • Reclamation of the natural and sacred roles of mxgender people in their communities and cultures; reclamation of repressed histories, stigmatized words and expressions; recognition that gender diversity is a sign of a healthy and holistic culture and restoration of that vitality to our living communities and societies by co-creating cultures of hospitality and freedom of being and expression.
  • Respect for the self-determined identities of all people; accurate use of the names, gender identities, titles, and pronouns an individual claims, whether they are new or established; acknowledgement that an individual's identity may change over time or society's understanding of their identity may change; easy correction of medical or legal forms that do not reflect an individual's current identity.
  • Accessible and appropriate medical care for all people, especially vulnerable populations such as the homeless and incarcerated; medical professionals knowledgeable about the particular health issues of trans, mxgender, and intersex people; medical forms that allow a person to indicate their sex, gender, and pronouns, and allow for these to change over time; an end to restrictive requirements for changing gender or sex.
  • Honor for children; an end to unnecessary medical intervention in the bodies of intersex infants and youth; respect for the clothing, toy, activity, friendship and other preferences of children without regard to gender norms; an end to gender assignment before an individual is able to inform others of their identity; resistance to the systematic oppression that threatens children who in some way transgress gender
  • Honor for our trancestors and ancsxtors; respect for the various ways their identities have been expressed over the millennia; honor for the unique cultural and spiritual roles they played; honor for individuals that played important roles; acknowledgement of the hardships they faced; reverence for our named and unnamed transcestors and ansxtors.
  • Feel free to add any of your own ideals here.

These are the ideals of the Witches of Transgression
We are all forms of identity intersection in body, mind and spirit
We resist, refuse and reject unkind, unnecessary, and unnatural attempts to control or conform our inherent sense of selfhood
From the gleams in the eyes of the parents to the legends after we die, we call for an openness and loving curiosity about gender, sex, ability, spirituality, and all aspects of unique, individual selfhood
Respect the unknown without labeling it and honor that which has been self-identified.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Body Temple/Body Dysphoria

Content Notes: Includes brief mentions of messed up relationships with food and lots of discussion of body dysphoria, particularly that which is based on gender. Please take care if this content would be triggering for you.


I decided early that the social messages we receive about our bodies are bullshit. At eleven, I was furious at the world that sent my best friend on a series of diets urged on by her mother. At thirteen, I was heartsick watching another friend disappear, shrinking down between nibbling at the cracker she insisted would be her entire lunch. At fourteen, I declared fiercely that bodies- my body, my friends' bodies, the bodies of everyone, everywhere- were sacred.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Paneris is Born

Note: This video is deliberately dark, as Paneris often appears to me as the flash of a figure against a black background.

Paneris is Born


At the edge of the darkness
At the end of the chaos
At the last bit of Void
In the middle of the night
There Paneris was born
Slipping brazenly 'tween forms
Absinthe, honey, tempting dark-edged delight