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Monday, March 30, 2015

Reflections on Panhyle

Panhyle is the second of the Tetrad++, the trans and gender variant deities making themselves known through the work of P. Sufenas Virius Lupus and others. Here are some of my thoughts on Him and my relationship with Him.

~

Panhyle feels
like those soap sculptures we made
in 7th grade, in imitation of a long ago art:
strong, moldable, delicate, beautiful
and yes, sometimes frustrating!
(He feels like the same Artist that shaped Him also shaped me
Like what He is shaped of might make me clean,
wash away the grit and insults of the world)

He feels
like the trees feel to me
(me, with my Greenman heart):
like I am utterly safe
leaning into His rootedness
as though His embrace
sinks me ankle-deep in the Earth

With Panhyle,
I think
I could hide my face between His shoulder blades
and weep
And He would stand between me and the world
protecting my privacy
until I am ready to raise my face
Panhyle knows
about getting to decide
what is hidden and what is revealed*
He knows about safety and trust and intimacy

Panhyle, who came into the world
with his most delicate parts hidden
helps me draw a line,
to decide who gets to see me
and how bare I will be before them

Panhyle feels
like my dad, next to me in the stands
at my sister's graduation
the two of us screaming our lungs out as my sister walked
loud enough that others turned to stare:
He does not care much for the norms
and He is proud of His children
(His brothers, His sisters, His siblings, His lovers, His people, us)

Panhyle feels
like a kiss to the nape of the neck,
a lover's hands on my hips:
intimate
a shivery promise of pleasure to come
a firing of nerves
that leaves me awake in my body
I turn my head,
brush my bare cheek against
His soft bristles
And want to know more.

~

*Writing this, I had a sudden deep flash of empathy for all those who choose to veil all or part of their body/hair/face. I finally get it on a gut level as well as an intellectual level.